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35 They were desirous to be baptized as a witness and a testimony that they were willing to serve God with all their hearts; Mosiah 21:35

"Make sure they remember joy yesterday, experience joy today, and anticipate joy tomorrow."

Motherhood Mission Statement

To provide a loving environment that is centered around God and His commandments while effectively teaching my children to love, honor, and respect all Men no matter the race, creed, or background.

Click on Nolen's name to hear our amazing journey through autism.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Back to the story...


Warning! Do not read if you ever want to have children! Graphic details.

February 19, 2009 Thursday 7:45 AM: Once the epidural was in place I laid down and tried to sleep. If you have ever spent any time in the hospital, either to visit someone or for yourself, you know that "rest" is nearly impossible. Nurses and Doctors are constantly coming in to check on you. My nurse was incredibly nice and tried not to wake me when she came in to check on all the machines that were now hooked up to my stomach, baby, and arms. Let me see if I can even name all the places I had a wire. First, the IV for the pitocin and fluids. Second, the contraction monitor wrapped around my stomach. Third, the baby heart monitor wrapped around my stomach as well. Fourth, the blood pressure band. Fifth, the horrible catheter inside my pee hole. Sixth, an internal heart monitor of sorts on the babies head. (Yes, that means up inside the vagina.)

Thursday 5:00 PM: Doctor Chavez walks in to check on my progress. I am Dilated to a four! She heads over to do a c-section and says she will be back to check on my progress before she leaves for the night. So, I prepare myself for the worst: Another doctor delivering my baby. Shortly after the doctor walked in to my room, my parents arrive. My Mom exclaimed, "I thought Edward would be here by the time we got here." Yeah, me too, Mom! My helpful nurse walks in and begins to explain that something has been fishy with my temperature all day and my heart rate has been going up and down so she has had to turn down the pitocin many times. She did; however, continue to turn it back up as soon as she could. Why is my body being so difficult? I have such a resilient body that can do anything. Why wont it dilate?!

Thursday 7:00 PM: Doctor Chavez is back from the c-section. She checks me (uncomfortable as usual but I really can't feel much). I am dilated to a 6!! She says things are really picking up and we should turn off the epidural. My face turns white. I am not ready to feel pain again, EVER! My nurse winks at me and says she will turn off the epidural slowly. Things really started to pick up and I could actually feel a little bit of pressure 45 minutes later. The new nurse checks me (and almost lets my leg fall off the bed) and says I am dilated to an 8!! I am getting really, really excited now. I can't wait for this process to be over.

Thursday 8:00 PM: Nurse checks me again. I am dilated to a 9 and 3/4Th. (Whatever that means.) The nurse calls the "on call" doctor in to check and they both agree we need to wait until the "lip" of the cervix is completely dilated. So we continue to wait. All the while the epidural is slowly wearing off. I can actually feel my left toes. I have absolutely no feeling in my right leg at all but I know that as soon as I feel my toes I am about to feel some massive contractions.

Thursday 9:00 PM: No movement but a lot of pressure. I really feel like I should be pushing. I am told to wait.

Thursday 10:00 PM: I really feel pressure. I still can't feel my left leg but I know I need to push now. I can feel something changing in my body. I wanted to push. The nurse and Doctor begin to lower the bottom half of the bed. They lay the top half of the bed back. My Mom grabs my left left and Stephen grabs my right leg. We can officially start pushing. NOW! HOW DO YOU PUSH??!!!! Should I have taken a class?? In hindsight, I doubt it would have helped at all. I start pushing, so I think. My epidural is still on so I can not feel much but I can feel most of my left leg and part of my left abdomen. I think I am pushing. I look at Stephen so he can tell me when a contraction is coming. He watches the monitor closely. Contractions are about 10 to 20 seconds apart and last about 2 minutes. Each time a contraction comes I am told to "bare down" and push three times counting to ten each time. So, I do what I am told (so I think). I push and push and push and push and push and push. NOTHING! Nothing is happening.

Thursday 10:45 PM: Stephen is holding my leg. My Mom is holding my leg. My Dad is anxiously watching the babies heart beat monitor. The doctor says, "lets take a break." So, I lower my left leg because I can actually feel most of it by this point and Stephen gently lowers my right leg. Everyone leaves the room except for my family. The baby is still inside me. My Dad walks over and talks with Stephen about giving me a blessing. My Dad and Stephen give me a blessing. A beautiful blessing protecting both me and the baby. I can't really remember what he said, but I know he said we would be safe.

Thursday 11:00 PM: The "on call" doctor walks in. She states: "You are not having any luck pushing the baby out. You have a horrible fever that is continuing to spike. Your baby has now pooped and aspirated his own meconium. We have decided a c-section is needed now. It will take 30 minutes to prep. You can use that time to push if you like." She had no faith in me. The nurses had no faith in me. Honestly, I had no faith in me.

Thursday 11:15 PM: The doctor leaves. I can suddenly feel my right leg. I can suddenly feel contractions. The two nurses stay behind and start to coach me on pushing again. This time, they have placed an oxygen mask on my face saying it was "for the baby". I close my eyes. I say a prayer. As I pray, I realize I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET THIS BABY OUT. Not a soul in the world is going to help me push this baby out. I realize it is completely up to me. All the people in the room are spectators. I am the one playing the sport, ALONE! I realize that all the stories about childbirth have been glazed over by women who want other women to feel pain. I pray. I pray between each breath. Stephen grabs my left leg. The nurse grabs my right leg. I hold on to the hospital bed bars. I can now feel EVERYTHING. Every excruciating movement. I want to push to push my baby out. I don't want to push because each push causes more pain. I push and I pray. I can actually feel myself being ripped apart every single contraction. One nurse is sitting below the bed and doesn't seem to be paying any attention. The nurse holding my leg is now telling me to keep pushing. My eyes are closed. I can't breath. I am crying hysterically because of the pain. I can feel EVERYTHING!! My entire lower body is surrounded by pain. My Mom is standing by my shoulder offering words of encouragement. She is wonderful. I am listening for the nurses voice to tell me the baby is "crowning" but nothing. What is she doing down there, filing her nails?? I keep pushing and praying. I can't breath with the mask on and each time the contraction ends I try to move the mask. The nurse puts it back on. At one point my contact almost comes out because I am crying so hard and I can't breath. I did not way one word. I just pushed. I could hear my Dad in the background saying, "You need to push harder. You need to stop and catch your breath before you push again." I didn't want to stop, I just kept pushing. No matter what, the pain was inevitable. I had to finally accept that I was going to be in a lot of pain. I could feel myself tear. I could feel it ALL!

Thursday 11:35 PM: The room suddenly fills with 14 people. I hear the nurse filing her nails by my vaginal say, "I think she is pushing the baby out!!!" Somewhere along the day, Stephen stated that he wanted Edward born on February 19Th. I was completely unaware of the time but I knew midnight was coming. My eyes are closed and I am still praying. By this time I am speaking. "It hurts!" I continued to say how bad it hurt. Everyone said, "I know, just keep going." How can you keep pushing when you know each push brings more pain. I didn't think relief was ever coming.

Thursday 11:41 PM: With one last push I feel a huge gush go between my thighs. I feel liquid of all sorts gush out of me. I hear cheering. I begin sobbing uncontrollably. Stephen later said he was hit by the babies arm as he was pushed out. There was never a moment someone said the baby was "crowning" or he is coming. It just happened. All of the baby was suddenly outside of me. I don't know what series of events took place after that brief moment of relief, but I knew I PUSHED THE BABY OUT! "NEVER AGAIN" were my first words. Later I learned that baby Edward wanted to come out "sunny side up" and supposedly that is the hardest way to deliver a baby vaginally. (Unless he was breach, but if that was the case we would have skipped this whole fiasco and went straight for the c-section). As I sat there crying the doctor said, "OK here comes the placenta." I cried. It hurt. Everything hurt. I don't where Stephen went or where my Mom went or where my Dad went. Someone held up the baby. "He's Huge!" I cried. That same someone handed me the baby. I was crying, he was crying. My Mom snapped a picture. She said to smile and I just couldn't. I was in too much pain.

Thursday 11:50 PM:Then the room was empty. It was me, my parents, the doctor, and one nurse. The doctor then said, "We need to stitch you up. You tore 2 degrees (out of 4)." Yes, I felt her stick the needle in my ripped apart vagina. I felt her tug and pull and she stitched up what was left of my body. I wanted to roll over and cry, but I couldn't move. She was done, then the nurse said, you need to get up and go to the bathroom. Every monitor was taken off my body and the IV was left in place. She helped me to the toilet and said, "pee". How can I pee after that??? I sat on the toilet crying for 10 minutes. The nurse turned on the bath water hoping it would help me pee. Finally, I did it. She then used a skirt bottle to spray off my entire area. It burned. Then she had me step into the biggest pair of granny panties I have ever seen. She placed TWO thick pads in the crotch of the granny panties. Then, I stood up and walked back to my bed holding the IV that now had antibiotics running through my veins because of my fever. My Dad handed me two tacos from Del Taco and I ate. I was then helped onto a wheel chair with a towel between my legs, because the blood was so thick, and taken down to the NICU to see Edward. My parents walked along slowly. We found out that only parents of the babies are allowed in the NICU but I wanted my Dad and Stephen to give Edward a blessing. They were let in and Edward received his first fathers blessing from Stephen. It was beautiful.

Later, I was moved up to postpartum where most women go with their babies to rest. I didn't have a baby. Stephen was back from the NICU and described a terrible site as the pocked and prodded at little Edward. He exclaimed, "He has two balls!" Hilarious! I couldn't laugh. It hurt. My entire body was sore. As if I had just ran 13.1 miles. I did not sleep that night, or should I say morning. I just cried. Stephen slept in the bed next to me. I cried and cried.


Christine said...

BUT YOU DID IT, JULIE! And for that, you are amazing! I also tore with Sammy and I could feel it when the Dr. was stitching me up, not fun at all! Thanks for finishing the story, it is good to share stories and support through these life-changing events. Congrats on your little miracle!

Kayla said...

I read this too late at night, because I am bawling like a baby. What a story! You defiantly had it worse than me.

Meagan Rogers said...

Wow. You don't even want to know what my labor was like because you would hate me. I admire you for making it through! And don't blame you if you never want to give birth again.

Heidi said...

Hey Jules! I'm so proud of you! My first born was also born "sunny side up", so my epidural didn't work and I had excruciating back pain. I cried and screamed through the whole thing! It was horrible, so I know exactly how you feel! But, the good news is that the 2nd time around was a lot easier! My epidural took with Gracie and so I didn't feel much pain at all. It was way better than my labor with Levi!

Heidi said...

Hey Jules! I'm so proud of you! My first born was also born "sunny side up", so my epidural didn't work and I had excruciating back pain. I cried and screamed through the whole thing! It was horrible, so I know exactly how you feel! But, the good news is that the 2nd time around was a lot easier! My epidural took with Gracie and so I didn't feel much pain at all. It was way better than my labor with Levi!

B and K said...


B and K said...

No, seriously. So true the statement about women glazing their labor stories just to make the other women feel the same pain. That same thing is going to happen to me. I just know it. (Well, I mean when I actually, you know- get pregnant and have a baby).

Clay~Tansey~Cade said...

Oh Julie,
You poor thing. I'm sorry you had so many obstacles, especially seeing your little one in the NICU.
I'm sure you are enjoying that little cutie, seriously what a darling little guy!

Micah and Melinda said...

ugh so you only want one baby right, sweet little Edward is going to be an only child! If that had been my experience I would have asked for them to schedule my hysterectomy! You are a giant of a woman and a real trooper! Thank you for sharing your story!

Sabs said...

oh man! flash backs...its crazy how most women can remember so manu tiny details of when their children were born....way to document! They really should know how much we sacraficed to have them:) i wanted to die after i had my first, after my second, i got up walked around and went out to eat at a resteraunt. Our bodies sure learn fast.

M&M Kanet said...

Julie, I'm so sorry things didn't go better for you! At least you got something great out of it. Are you healing well? I was pretty tramatized by my labor and delivery too, but it doesn't even compare to your story. It's just amazing what our bodies can go through.

Lloyd and Joni said...

Jewls, YOU'RE the woman!!! I had a great labor and after reading your experience thanked my Heavenly Father for that. The most amazing part of that whole experience is realizing how much you could love something so small, so instantly, especially after your experience.

Andrea said...

After that, you can (and will) do anything. :-)

Lindsey & Brett said...

Oh. Crap. As if I wasn't already nervous enough to have a kid! Dang it, cousin! Well, I guess you're both still alive and that's all that matters... right?

Craig, Blair and Turbo Skousen said...

Hahah this is a true family event. Your dad handing out the good tacos and Stephen talking about balls. How precious.

I would leave a longer comment but I have to go and fill my birth control prescription...

Renee Anderson said...

Hi Julie, Its Renee, Chelsea's mom.
Wow what a story! I was in pain reading this! I am so sorry it was so long and painful!
Now...you must sleep whenever the baby sleeps...no matter what and no excuses!!