As a mother, it is hard to give yourself a free moment with out the looming guilt calling from the back of your mind. Today, I spent an hour on my hair. Yes, an hour. I straightened it, then curled it. (Sounds absurd coming from someone with curly hair, to straighten then curl; however, that is my favorite way to wear my hair.) Before that hour, I exercised for an hour. All the while, Edward was begging me to play crash cars with him. I kept saying, "In just a minute, I will be done getting the sugar bugs off my body, then we can play." A lie.
I distracted him with an iPad and headed up stairs to take a shower. Then I did my hair. These two hours are extremely small compared to the 24 hours I give to my children. Why do I feel so guilty? Why, as mothers, are we constantly feeling guilt for some much needed time alone? Why do I feel like I did something "wrong"?
I have to admit, it bothers me. Most of the time, I am OK with running around sans the make-up and a rumpled t-shirt with my: I haven't washed these jeans in weeks, pants. I don't usually see anyone so it doesn't matter. Today, I only left the house to get cookies for the missionaries. Why, then, is it so important to get dressed up and feel like our old selves? Haven't I accepted my role? I am a 31 year old mother of two boys. I rarely leave the house and if I do, it doesn't really matter what I appear like to others.
I guess my question is: Am I the only one? Why, as mothers, are we constantly plagued with guilt? Is this something we are doing to ourselves? I worry that my moments with these boys are so few that if I don't take a picture every day and spend hours playing cars it will seem as if I don't care and that I wasted our precious time together.
Anyhow, to sum up today: I let Edward win a 9 day battle. He has a strong will. I have to admit I was worried. I even called the doctor to see how long I could allow this battle to press on. I put a pull up on him and guess what? He pooped like it was no big deal. UGH! 1 Edward - 0 Mom. Potty training a 3.5 year old with nerves of steal has become more than a challenge. Should I wave the white flag yet? Edward, I give up, you win... you can just wear your stinkin' pull-up until you are 18. OK?
5 comments:
Hey, I get it! I have curly hair, but I hate the way it looks, so I straighten it and then curl it too :) On days that I actually do my hair.
And trust me, there's lots to feel guilty about. I feel guilty when my house is a mess, or that I'm short tempered with Kara, but I always take comfort that tomorrow is a new day and I can try and be better.
9 days without pooping! Gosh, he is a stubborn one.
It's a tough balance to find -- sometimes I feel like even though I've been around my kids all day, I haven't really looked them in the eye because I've been trying to get so much other stuff done. I don't want to do that. Sure, I need time for me, too, but when it's my time with the kids, I want to be completely there. Does that make sense?
Don't give up hope! He'll get there! I might be asking YOU for advice once Cohen is potty-training...he is super stubborn, too. :/
You can do it, Julie. Just hang in there! Wes had his first poop in his undies incident the other day. He had gone the whole potty training time without doing that and then one day (and the next morning, too, might I add) he pooped in his undies. It was so disappointing. Then last night Brett had to go help with a stake dance so I was on my own to put Wes to bed. That kid was so stubborn. He fought going to bed so much and didn't go to sleep till about 10. I was so livid. Nothing makes me more upset than when he won't go to sleep. Plus on Friday, he kicked a baby in the face. That's right. A baby. In THE FACE. I was humiliated and felt horrible. This weekend I have felt completely overwhelmed and not at all qualified to be a mom. I of course blame myself for all of his mistakes and rotten behavior. And yes, I feel guilty all the time that I try to get anything done, even the cleaning around the house. Motherhood is the hardest thing in the world. I have to just trust that we are doing a good enough job if the Lord trusted us with them in the first place. And we haven't made headlines yet, so we must be doing something right... Right? :)
Post a Comment