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6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowingbeforehand the things which I should do.

7 Nevertheless I went forth...

1st Nephi Chapter 4:6-7

"Make sure they remember joy yesterday, experience joy today, and anticipate joy tomorrow."


Motherhood Mission Statement

To provide a loving environment that is centered around God and His commandments while effectively teaching my children to love, honor, and respect all Men no matter the race, creed, or background.

Click on Nolen's name to hear our amazing journey through autism.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Decisions. You know, the tough ones.

Today I went to my second IEP meeting for Nolen.  IEP stands for Individual Education Plan, or something like that.  I have to say, it was terrible.  I cried.  I really cried.  Tears that have wanted to come out for months.  I cried.  I cried because I don't feel qualified to make decisions for little people who can't speak for themselves.  No, not because people were mean or because I didn't understand what they were saying, I would say, quite the opposite.  I completely understood what they were saying and they were extremely nice. 
Today is a day that I again HATE autism.  If you are reading this thinking, no she really doesn't mean that, YES, I do.  I do not like it.  I don't!  You can't make me.  This is the hardest trial I have ever been through. 
As a parent, we have to make decisions about our children's lives that may impact them for their entire life  How do I know what is right?  How does anyone else really know what is right?  Are we all just blindly stabbing in the dark at ideas we think we have spent time going over and over and over again only to find it was the wrong choice?  For those that believe in God, do you drop to your knees and pray for guidance, and if so, do you get an answer that is right?  For those that do not believe in a higher power, how do you find the right answer?  Through meticulous study and deep conversations with others and yourself? 
Today, I have to make a decision about Nolen's future.  Should he go to school?  Should he stay home?  Is he too little to be gone for 23 hours a week?  Is it a good fit?  Either way?  Am I a better teacher for him than a trained autism specialist at a school who is dealing with 8 other autistic children?  What do I do? How do I know if I make the right choice?  I wont see the consequences of the choice for years.  14 years, probably.
WHAT IS RIGHT?
Is this the time old question humans have been asking themselves and haven't found the right answer?  Is there really such a thing as right?
I know this is more a theoretical question than just, "should I send my kid to preschool".  This is the ultimate question.  What is right and what is wrong?  In this case, the wrong answer could potentially put Nolen on a path of self destruction.  He could be lost in autism.
The right answer could have infinite possibilities.  So, what is right?
If you are reading this from a therapist, mother, father, grandfather, friend point of view, I really want to know what you believe the right choice will be for Nolen.  Would you send your soon to be 3 year old to a classroom or keep him home?  What are your thoughts on home school and disabilities?


*The mud pit
 

2 comments:

Heidi said...

Hmmm, that's a tough one. I didn't send Cohen to preschool this year, and I get a lot of confused looks from people when they find out that I didn't. I have no idea why people react that way...I am a college educated teacher, for crying out loud! I will probably send him next year, but for the socializing aspect of it. With that being said, there are pros and cons to sending Nolen. He would probably receive better services from more qualified people. On the other hand, being around other autistic kids may/may not affect him negatively. How severe are these other kids? It doesn't seem like Nolen is that severely impacted, and I have seen some VERY severe cases of autism, and I have to wonder if by watching that kind of behavior, the other kids pick up on it, and begin to mimic it?! Those are just my thoughts, and I know that doesn't help your decision, because it is smack-dab in the middle. I'll pray about it for you :)

Sarah or Stephen said...

Lets just say the mud pit pics at the bottom mean you are the best Mom ever!!! Whatever decision you make will be the right one, and whatever that is right now doesn't mean you have to stick with it forever, you can change your mind anytime!