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35 They were desirous to be baptized as a witness and a testimony that they were willing to serve God with all their hearts; Mosiah 21:35

"Make sure they remember joy yesterday, experience joy today, and anticipate joy tomorrow."

Motherhood Mission Statement

To provide a loving environment that is centered around God and His commandments while effectively teaching my children to love, honor, and respect all Men no matter the race, creed, or background.

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Breaking even

You know that moment when you think, "We are just about to get ahead, or at least break even..." Well NEVER think that thought. The moment you do, something will come knocking on your back door and let you know you have many more things to pay for and many more things to do before you EVER break even let alone get ahead.
On a completely different topic, I wanted to find out from parents who have children of all ages, their thoughts on spanking. If you have a 30 year old son, I want to hear from you. If you have a cranky 3 year old, I want to hear from you. Did you spank? Did it work? What sort of discipline did you, and do you, find that works best for your children?
Stephen and I are in a huge debate about how we want to discipline our children. B.C. (before children), Stephen and I completely agreed that we would spank our children when they were naughty. Now... I am standing in a gray zone. I actually do not think I can spank Edward (and I sort of think he is too young to understand why he is being hit). Stephen does not agree.
I just want to do some research before I really decide on a strategy for discipline. I have heard spanking doesn't actually accomplish anything... (although, I was spanked and YES, I deserved it and remember almost every time I was spanked). I was a very rebellious child and it seems Edward may be that way as well. I need to come up with something soon. Time is running short to think of my discipline plan.
So, lets hear your thoughts....


Christine said...

I was spanked as well and though I feel my parents weren't wrong, I have faced the same dilema myself. We haven't had to spank Sam as of yet, usually we use time outs because those mean more to him. One thing I heard from a social worker that hit home was that no matter what the punishment is, if it is done in anger or in reaction to what the child did, it will not do any good. They said you need to make sure you are in control first or else the lesson is lost in the emotion you are displaying to your child and teaching him/her how to deal with their anger (ex by hitting right back, etc)
I'm not saying I am an expert by any means, but I hope it helps! Good luck!

Micah and Melinda said...

I think that spanking is ok in very extreme situations ie running in the road, running away in a store, maiming baby brother. We spanked Mase a few times and it seemed to make his behaviors worse, he would react violently towards us or others. Right now time out works the best. He loves to be with us and be where the action is so removing him for a few minutes has made more of an impact than pain.

Right now I don't think Edward would understand why he is being hit. I'm not sure how much little children understand consequences, positive reinforcement is a better option than violence. Not to mention, if you are the one w/ him the majority of the time you are the one that has to punish... the guilt can be a bit much, plus it sucks being the bad guy!

Meagan said...

I think spanking depends on how it is administered. I do it sometimes, but must say it doesn't really work for us. Anyway...I've been reading some parenting books that I try to get info from and then decide how exactly I want to parent. I would recommend...

Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood Development (This one is golden! When I followed this one Brooklyn was like a whole new kid)

The Power of Positive Parenting (This is what I am currently studying. They have a free class online http://ocw.usu.edu/Family__Consumer____Human_Development/oer-power-of-positive-parenting)

Both methods have really helped me a ton!

Kayla said...

I have regretted any spanking I have given, except in those extreme situations like Melinda talked about. If I would have thought a few seconds about my actions, I know a better punishment would have presented itself. I think that is what the Holy Ghost does with all of his days, gives me little bits of inspiration to deal with my girls.

Craig, Blair and Turbo Skousen said...

Spank that child! (haha but please don't beat my baby Edward!)

I don't have kids, but speaking from years of receiving spanks, I know it has to be done consistently. Like spanking should be reserved for really 'bad' moments, not just everyday 2 year old spasms. When I got spanked, I know I did something VERY wrong and I couldn't push those buttons again.

However...my brothers didn't react to spanking, so it was a waste of time. I guess it would depend on the kid :)

Lindsey and Brett said...

I really just don't know. I mean, I am like you, I sit here thinking, "yes, I'll spank," but then I look at little Wes, and I just don't know if I'll be able to do it when he gets older. I think you have to find what works for your kid though. Some kids only respond to spankings, some kids only respond to time outs. When Brett was little, his biggest punishment was being restrained. And then there's always positive reinforcement... So I don't know. But if you don't think you can spank, don't start because you know how kids need consistency in their lives. There's my 2 cents. :)

Heidi said...

Jules, I use a variety of discipline techniques...sometimes they work and sometimes they don't and it can all depend on the situation. Time-outs are always my first option, because let's face it...no one really wants to spank their child. I based my time-outs on how old the child is. For instance, if they are 3 years old, I set the oven timer for 3 minutes. Once those 3 minutes are up and they sat in their time-out without screaming and acting up, I allow their time-out to be over. This does take a lot of practice to perfect. When a time-out and a short chat about bad behavior doesn't cut it, I may take away toys or priviledges. I spank sometimes, and when they got a little bit older, I used soap or hot sauce in their mouths when they said "naughty" words or were talking back. Now that mine are 6 and 7 years old, we also like to assign chores when they are being bad...like sweeping the kitchen floor. And I'm sorry to say that, sometimes nothing really works and in order to keep your sanity, the only thing left to do is take a time-out yourself so you don't feel so overwhelmed and angry at the situation. Just remember, it's normal for Edward's age to "test you" and this too shall pass. :)

Paul and Aliisa said...

I didn't read all the comments but I don't think you need to spank yet. He's too young! Just say no and direct him to something else, even if it takes 25 times. When he gets older then I think if on a rare/extreme occasion it is okay. On the first thing you wrote, since we've been working harder we have less money. How is that possible? I still drive a 12 year old car?

Andrea said...

Like others have said, you don't want your kid to learn, "When you're really mad you can hit people" or "You can hit people that are weaker/smaller than you". But . . . I have spanked my kids a few times. It is mainly useful for if they are being so ornery and obnoxious that nothing else is working (won't go to time-out, won't stay in their room, etc).

I think Edward is probably too young. Having a time-out spot is probably better, or taking away a toy that is being misbehaved with. We put toys in time-out a lot if they are being thrown, etc.

Another strategy I sometimes use when kids are out of control is to hold them close so they can't misbehave. I sit down and hold them on my lap securely, restraining flailing arms and kicking legs, until they are calm. It takes like ten minutes sometimes. I take lots of deep breaths, remind myself how much I love them and that they will not behave this way as an adult, and sometimes Wes brings me chocolate. This is also what I do if someone is misbehaving at church -- we go out in the foyer and I hold them securely until they are ready to behave. I got this idea from Orson Scott Card; you can read about this method here: