It's March. Already. I really can not believe how quickly time marches forward. *get it, marches* Ok. Ha! Maybe you didn't laugh. I have had a lot on my mind lately. So much so that sleep has become impossible at 3 AM. I don't like that. I worry about my boys. Constantly. I worry that I am completely failing as a mother. I worry that I have done all the wrong things and that time is moving so fast and that I haven't taught them what they need to know in order to survive this cruel world. I worry about them. They are soft. They are sweet. They have no idea what is out there.
I feel like I haven't sat down and written a good blog post in years because I have been so busy just running around living my life. I am not entirely sure what is appropriate to write on the internet any more because everything can be completely taken out of context. Pictures are stolen and used for any purpose and manipulated to show someone doing something they didn't actually do.
I worry that I have said all the wrong things to all my friends. I used to be so sure of myself and so opinionated and I didn't care what anyone thought. That's changed. I have that I care. I feel like I have to care a little because I say so many wrong things all the time. I recently quit Instagram again. I can't help but waste hours upon hours staring at NOTHING telling myself I am "learning" but I am really just wasting time. I could be blogging. I should be journaling to get all of these intense thoughts out of my mind and onto paper so that I don't have to think about them any more.
I worry about my family. My mom has been sick with leukemia since December. She has good weeks and bad weeks. Mostly, she doesn't leave her room. We barely see her even though we go over there four nights a week. I don't know if she wants to get better. Why is aging so difficult? I worry about my sisters. They are constantly on my mind. I worry that I haven't told them I love them enough. I worry that I have said all the wrong things to them and lead them in the absolute wrong direction. I worry about my brothers but not in the same way. I worry that Craig has forgotten the importance of God in his life.
All of this keeps me up at night. All of this. I have a thousand things to do and I feel like I get nothing done. I keep putting things off because I am "too tired" or I just don't want to do it because I have so many other things to do.
You know the best part about blogging these days? NO ONE reads this stuff. So I can write what ever I want and not worry that anyone will ever read through my thoughts anymore. People are more interested in Ticktock and Instagram and Facebook. Good for them. Stare at your screens until your eyes fall out and maybe all the bad stuff in the world will go away. We will all be to distracted to notice when the world blows up!
Well, on that note. I tell you how March has been going. Great. My boys are happy. It is not warming up. Not in the slightest.
Nolen had an orchestra concert that lasted two and half hours but the music was great. He thought was "literally" going to die if he had to stay there one more minute. We left ASAP because I don't wait around and chat. That's not who I am.
My dad helped us fix all of our sprinklers this weekend. The dog ate the tops off of most of the drip system. Annoying to fix, but we got it done.
I finally convinced Craig, Blair, and Stephen to go up the Tram to eat at the fine dining restaurant. It was a waste. Not good service and not good food. But it was a fun experience.
Nolen put together a hungry hippos game for mutual and it was a huge hit! Everyone loved it. I blew up at least 100 balloons but totally worth it.
