Pass me some cheese please!

Remember that one time you felt like a really really bad mom because your 4 year old was acting like a spoiled rotten 2 year old who was never punished a day in his life? And remember when those "other" parents looked at you with complete disgust because you didn't train your 4 year old to act perfect in public? And, remember when another sweet 4 year old girl was around and she was so poised and so perfect it just blew your mind?

Yeah. That happened! To me. I actually believe I am one tough mom. I discipline my children a little on the harsh side. I send my children to time out. I follow through on all threats! (I have threatened to burn their toys. Don't test me. I'll do it!) 

My children might actually say I am a mean mom. 

But none of this matters. At all when my 4 year old is having an autism melt down. "Other" parents don't see the hard work I put in at home. They only see what looks like a spoiled rotten whiney 2 year old rolling on the ground begging for his milk and to go home. 

I try to act gracious and understanding; however, sometimes I can't stand looking like a failure as a mother. You may not understand. I get that. But it hurts. Bad. I don't want to be a perfect mother or a perfect person. I want to be the right mother for my boys. 

I apologize if my son offended you while he screamed about his problems. We may never understand what he is going through. You see, WE ARE NORMAL! 

Cut the kid some slack. He's gone through more in one day than we may ever experience in a life time. It's called autism. There is no magic cure all for his condition. There are no outward signs. I'd look rediculous if I carried a sign that said, "caution, autism melt down in progress.  Please casually step away"

But believe me. I want to. I want to scream at people just to get them to stop staring and judging my lack of parenting skills. 

There is nothing more I can do. I just smile and pretend my mother ego isn't taking a big hit. 

To my friends who are fighting the good fight every single day, my heart is with you. I know your pain. Let's smile more and judge less. No one is perfect. 

Give the boy a break. 

Remember

"Make sure they remember joy yesterday, experience joy today, and anticipate joy tomorrow."

 

I read this in an article on Deseret News today and I cried.  Mostly because I can't believe my two sweet boys are growing up so fast.  Sometimes, I am so quick to lose my temper and not so quick to jump on the floor and play with them.  I will never get back these last 6 years and 4 years of their lives.  I just MUST remember that each day brings a memory.

 

These last two weeks of summer my boys have been sitting on the couch playing Minecraft.  It just drives me crazy to see them acting like teenagers when they are so little.  They need to get out and play.  Which means, I need to get out and play.  I have been working on three photography classes and have sat still for too long.  This is our last week of summer and I just can't believe summer is already ending.  I feel like it just started!

Changes and Nolen

Carla Carlisle has been Nolen's personal teacher at church for over a year and a half. She has been a true blessing in my life. I wanted Nolen to be able to attend primary with out me. After praying, a friend suggested having someone be his personal teacher. I spoke with the bishop and he called Sister Carlisle. It was true divine inspiration. She knew exactly how to help him make it to class without my help and without crying! She has been by his side, weekly, over the last year and a half. 

Today was her last Sunday in our ward. She is moving with her family to Colorado. I cried. She cried. I know her calling wasn't easy. It probably wasn't her first choice but she did it with ease and a smile. I am forever grateful for her presence in Nolen's life. 

Heavenly Father has blessed my life with amazing people. Nolen's life is really changing. His ABA therapist moved on, his occupational therapist is changing jobs next week, and his primary teacher is moving. It is a lot of changes for me let alone Nolen. I am confident we will follow the path we have been given with more prayerful insight. 

In the mean time, we will sorely miss Sister Carlisle in our lives. 

Autism anxiety and a Sensory perception disorder melt down

 

Wondering what my days look like?  This happens almost every day.  Most of the time I can talk Nolen back down quickly, but not today.  Things have been escalating as I have been busy cleaning the house.  Sometime, a clean house is a hopeless effort. 

Whitney and Nolen

Have you ever met someone that you knew was destined to change the world for the better? 

 

2 years ago, I met that person.  Whitney has been Nolen's therapist for ABA therapy from the start.  She recently accepted a job with Albuquerque Public Schools and is moving on. 

Whitney helped Nolen learn to speak, to piece together sentences, to understand his world as he learned to speak, and to communicate with us, his family.  Nolen has learned important life lessons with Whitney each and every day over the last 2 years.  To see the progress from start to finish says it all.  Our sweet little boy has changed so much.  He can now sit for longer periods of time with distracting sounds and noises happening. 

He can answer questions with full sentences! When Nolen was first diagnosed with autism he was not speaking.  He had just begun to say, "Ready, set, go!" with the help of an amazing speech therapist, Fran.  To hear him speak now, one would never guess he ever had trouble forming his thoughts in to words. 

We have been so blessed to meet Whitney and start our autism journey with her.  She has truly changed our lives for the good.  I am forever grateful for her constant vigilance to help Nolen transition in to our world. 

Applied Behavior Analysis therapy has been an extremely expensive journey.  It has cost us around $30,000 to help Nolen.  If you want to help us with the extreme cost consider booking as photo session at www.jmbimage.com All proceeds go directly to Nolen. 

 

If you are considering ABA therapy for your son or daughter, DO IT!  Finding the right therapist and the right company make a huge difference.  We initially went through a few therapist that didn't fit our family needs but we are so glad we lucked out with Whitney as our lead tutor 2 years ago.  She is kind, generous, considerate, on time, and always has a smile.  She works with extremely difficult children daily and manages to keep a positive attitude through out her entire session.  I have sat and listened to almost every session and have learned so much from her.  She is such a gem.  We will truly miss her and wish her all the best on her next adventure.  She is truly needed in the autism community and those children she will work with will for ever be blessed. 

 

Click Here to see last years video with Whitney. 

Click Here to see 2013's video with Whitney.

Making cookies

Nolen loves to make cookies! We ran out of coconut flour a few weeks ago so we used bobs redmill gluten free flour and our cookies turned into disgusting pancakes. 

It was sad. We didn't eat them. We just threw them in the garbage. I bought some more coconut flour and today, Nolen made cookies!

I'm a little worried I will lose the gluten free flour recipe so I am writing it here. Feel free to try it. 

1 cup white rice flour

1 cup oat flour

1 cup coconut flour

1 cup tapioca starch/flour

1/4 cup cornstarch 

3 1/2 teaspoon's xantham gum

Mix all together. Use for sweets!

Cliff's amusement park

We spent 9 amazing hours at Cliff's Amusement Park on Friday. We arrived early and had no idea how lucky we were. We parked at the front gate and didn't have to wait more than 10 minutes in line for any ride. That is, until 5:00 when the price decreases to $12 a person. Then the lines tripled. 

Nolen did amazing. He only had one small melt down but quickly snapped out of it. I told him as we drive to Cliff's that I had expectations for his behavior. Also, I told him we would be waiting in line and walking around but it would be worth it. He did so great. Edward had a pretty cheer attitude the whole day as well! 

Edward's favorite ride was the Galaxy roller coaster. It was an adult roller coaster and both boys went twice. He also loved driving the bumper cars. He must have went in them 4-5 times. 

Nolen's favorite part was the water park called water mania. It was perfect! He could go down all the slides with out fear. He loved the biggest water slide and was the last one to leave the area. 

Both boys enjoyed pretending to fly airplanes and helicopters. They went on that ride more than 10 times. 

My favorite part was spending the day with my friend Jessica, her girls, and my two sweet little boys. 

Time is so precious and it goes by so fast I'm so glad that I stepped back and re-prioritized my life.