Mediocre
I have always been mediocre.
I am not asking for your sympathy. Just stating facts here. Speaking of facts, this blog is all my opinion about life. I can only hope that my simple musings will help others find some connections with themselves and know they are not alone in their thoughts. In this age of over information it is often difficult to decipher fact from fiction on the internet. Although, a lot of what I have to say is based on facts from my life, it is all still my opinion and my observations from life.
I am a middle of the road girl. I am neither overly smart or dumb. I am not stunningly beautiful or ugly. I am not extremely talented nor am I untalented. I am not overly strong or weak.
Mediocre.
And that is OK.
I remember the first time I realized I was not pretty. It was 5th grade. All my friends had decided we needed boy friends. I was not interested in any particular boy at my elementary school so my friends decided they would ask Adam Smith (now I am not even sure that is his real name any more) if he would be my boyfriend. I didn't like him. I barely knew him. He was playing soccer on the play ground. When the girls came back to tell me he had said, "no" I was surprised. I knew then, I wasn't pretty.
I always had to work really hard at school. While my friends could memorize math facts and read pages and pages of notes quickly, I spent hours pouring over notes and still not retaining anything. My siblings and I were tested for gifted. I didn't get in. They did. I had to work really hard in school just to maintain a B average. I often failed tests. Not because I didn't study but because I truly could not retain any of the knowledge I had read. I wasn't dumb but I wasn't smart. I worked extremely hard in college to graduate with my Bachelors then eventually my Masters degree. It wasn't from a lack of effort. I always put in more effort so that my teachers may take pity on my and pass me even if I couldn't actually pass the tests.
I can't say that any sport ever came naturally to me. I tried many. Soccer, baseball, tennis, swimming, barrel racing, running, and biking. Any sport I have excelled in is because I have worked insanely hard to make small gains. I, currently, train 6 to 7 days a week just to maintain this fitness level. I never thought I would be able to run a sub 10 minute mile, but with some serious hard work and effort, I actually did!
Now, I bet your thinking, but your a great singer. You've always had a great voice. OH HOW FUNNY THAT IS! My mom has video proof that I could not sing on pitch in the 7th grade. I sang loud and proud but not well. It has taken me 20 years to understand my voice. College was a struggle. I remember walking in to my classes petrified! I sang off pitch all the time. I had to practice for HOURS in a practice room to learn to sing on pitch. Even now, I sing off pitch if I am not paying attention. I had to struggle to get noticed by any of the staff at BYU-Idaho.
Photography took years to master and I still make mistakes. I had to read and re-read classes to understand simple instructions. I practiced daily to get better.
All of these things made me realize something. I had to work hard to get noticed. I had to put in a lot more effort than most of the people around me. Coaches and directors often didn't notice my talent. They did however; notice my lack there of.
I felt stupid, a lot. I felt not good enough, a lot. I felt not pretty enough, a lot.
I remember always giving life my best. I would try SO HARD and for what?! So a coach wouldn't notice my effort. So a director wouldn't even see me on stage. OR he would say, "Ok, everyone gets one more try at this audition and do it just like Julie did it." But not cast me in the show.
I will say, I am a stronger better person because I am mediocre. I see the little guy struggling. I know EXACTLY what that feels like. I see the girl trying to memorize math facts and I empathize with her. I know she needs help.
I see the kids struggling to remember where middle C is on the piano. I hear the kids singing their guts out and trying to improve.
I see you!
I was you.
I am you!
I was given such a great opportunity in my life to coach and teach. I want to motivate rather than tear children down. I see the sweet underdog who will always be mediocre and I appreciate their mediocre talent.
This rips me apart because I see my boys struggling the EXACT SAME WAY! I see them trying so hard. They want to win the race. They want to know all the answers. They want to be the smartest kid in class. They want to be the best. They want their teachers to notice them. They want their coaches to notice they are trying their very best even though their very best isn't the top of the pack.
Why?! Why!? Do we only notice the very best of the best?
Why is it so easy to coach a kid who has natural talent?
Why is it so easy to teach a child who gets it?
Why do we look past the kids who are mediocre?
Well not me! I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be looked over. To be passed up. I don't care if you're the best. I don't care if you're not the smartest most talented kid in the room. I want the untalented kids. I want the mediocre children. They are the back bone of our future. They are the children that learn to work hard and even when no one notices, they continue working hard. They have learned that it doesn't matter if no one sees their potential. They see their own potential and that is enough.
