Sisters Trip to the Ozarks

 Over the weekend, I traveled to Springfield, Missouri to spend time with my sisters.  I have wanted to do a sisters trip for a long time.  AND I finally made it happen.  Kendra really wanted Sharla to fly out and help her with some horses she was looking at buying.  I said, HEY I want to join you.  Then I said maybe we should invite all of our sisters.  AND I DID!  Blair ended up not being able to come because she was having egg retrieval surgery.  We missed her the entire weekend. 

 

We had so much fun!  We flew in Thursday night and headed to the hotel.  We stayed at the Calm Waters Resort near Branson, Missouri.  It was gorgeous.  We stopped at walmart to get some groceries and Faith was amazing at picking food and cooking.  We stayed up playing card games and laughing until midnight.  It was awesome.  I ate SO MUCH GOOD food this weekend.  

Friday, I woke up and went for a run.  There was no sidewalk and no shoulder so I had to run on the road which was a little scary.  After my run, we went down to Table Rock lake which was right next to our resort.  Our resort had free paddle boards and kayaks so we used those all morning.  It was so beautiful.  We then went to the pool and had lunch by the pool and talked as we ate.  It was a wonderfully relaxing morning.  Sharla flew in later on Friday and arrived just in time for our dinner show, Dolly Parton's Stampede.  

 

The stampede was so fun.  I loved watching all the horses and especially the girl who rode two horses over a ring of fire.  It was awesome.  The food was delicious and WAY too much.  We had a whole chicken, pork, soup, biscuit, corn, and potatoes! Dessert was a huge apple turnover.   The horses were incredible.  It would have been fun to be a part of something like that as a kid.  

 

After the show, we drove around Branson and stopped at "Everything Jesus" because Faith said everyone at her school calls her Jesus.  It was funny.  We then drove around looking for a place to do Old Time photos.  We found a fun place that took two hours but it was a fun experience.   It ended up costing $400 so that was not planned but with everyone pitching it it was $60 per person.  We joked about getting tattoos and I would actually do it if we came up with a great sister tattoo.  After our photos we went to a delicious all night donut shop! 

 

Saturday I went on another run along the road and then showed and packed up.  We spent the entire day in Branson.  We started at Billy Gail's breakfast spot.  We ordered one pancake that was the size of the table.  After breakfast we went to the Aquarium or as Veronica calls it, "the fish zoo".  It was really an interesting aquarium and well thought out.  After the aquarium we went to lunch at a cash only burger shop.  The service was ALL old ladies and so slow! But it was cute.  We went on a two mile hike in the shade, thankfully because it was 100 degrees and humid!  We went shopping and then went on a mountain coaster.  We stopped for a snack and then drove up to Springfield to take photos of Kendra's family.  Her family is adorable.  

 

After the photos we drove to meet Kendra's friend, Missy.  She lives on 20 acres and has a beautiful house.  She made us dinner and drinks and let us use her poloraid camera.   It was a very fun night just chatting away.  Sunday we woke up at 3:00 AM to catch our 5:00 AM flight.  It was such a fun weekend and it went by so fast.  For which I am glad.  I miss Stephen and can not wait to see him on Thursday!  Until next year!!

 

Things I think about

 

 Things I think about but never say: My heart hurts.  My life is beautiful because I made it beautiful.  I used to believe it was because I had the light of Christ in my eyes.  I know now it is because I chose happiness daily.  I recognize now that all those choices of happiness have lead to my beautiful life.  I love my life.  I have built a place myself.  I worked on myself.  I was so worried what my life would look like in my 20's.  So I worked.  I worked hard.  I CHANGED! I did it.  God didn't change me.  Jesus didn't save me.  I saved myself.  I wanted love.  I found it.  I created it.  I don't use shame to raise my children.  I adore them.  I love who they are.  I love who they are becoming.  I wanted them to know truth so I sought it out.  I found it.  Love comes from within us.  Happiness comes from within us.  We create it.  Not God.  Not the people around us.  We create it for ourselves.  I am happy because I choose to be happy daily.  I wanted certain things in my life so I sought them out and built the life I wanted.  I did it.  It was me.  I am the hard worker.  I am the one who wanted beauty.  I sacrificed.  I listened to my inner self and pushed the limits of what was possible.  Was I held back by my religious upbringing.  Yes.  Do I blame the people around me for that?  No.  Did they do their absolute best to help shape me?  Yes.  I really believe we are the god's of our own lives.  If you see something you want then go after it.  I wasn't sure how to do that in my 20's but I am so glad I found my own path.  My own voice.  I have kept up on this blog for nearly 20 years.  It is incredible to see how I have grown and changed from the girl I once was to the woman I am today.  I have made some choices recently to make my life even more beautiful.  To share love with so many other people and it was blessed my life much more than I ever thought possible.  I am more in love with my husband than ever.  I adore him.  He is the RIGHT person for me.  We have grown up so much over the last 20 years.  We are the best versions of ourselves right now. I am so glad that I was able to break the mold and follow my heart.  I love my heart.  I love so deeply.  I love so many people.  I am so scared to say out loud that I no longer want to practice orthodox mormanism.  I no longer want to be seated at that table.  I have done all I was sent to do.  I have a different path now.  I will take from religion what I want. NOT what it wants from me.  Not any more. I will not be a prisoner to the orthodox religion that raised me.  That held me back instead of pushing me forward. I have often felt incapable.  Why? Mostly because I wasn't born with a penis.  And that sucked.  I see so much more beauty for myself now. I am a woman.  I love being a woman.  I wish I could have seen that years ago.  I wish I could have known that I am capable of living the most incredible life without one simple appendage.  I wonder if my mom felt like this when she went back to college in her mid forty's.  I'll never get to know.  She is gone.  But what I know now.... I am more! I can be more.  I don't think I realized how much I was held back because of things I was told as a girl.  A girl is powerful.  SO POWERFUL!  A woman is incredible.  She is strong.  She is wise.  She is more.  MORE!  So, today, I shout out loud that I am done being held back and staying silent to fit in to a mold I was never meant to fit into.  I am more.  

Family time in the Jemez!

 After my trip to the Jemez with the kickball team, I really wanted to take my boys to the hot springs.  Stephen flew home Thursday night and we left Friday afternoon to hike up the mountain.  It was so much fun. I think both boys really enjoyed the hike and getting to swim in the middle of the hike was a huge bonus.  We brought Pearl so that made it even more special.  I haven't been taking Pearl on my runs anymore because I have been running by the road and it is too hard to run with her with cars nearby.  

We really had a magical time this weekend with Stephen.  I miss him so much.  We are trying to stay in contact every day on marco polo or on the phone.  I have started a group chat with the boys but that idea hasn't really taken off yet.  Mabye when the boys have iphones it will be different.  I am not quite ready to get them an iphone.  They are both still so young.  I guess they will be 16 and 18 soon.  So can I say they are young anymore? AH!  Anyhow, we stopped and got pizza on the way home from the Jemez and it was delicious.  Such a beautiful weekend.  

 

Seventeen and a half half half

 

 I love my sweet Edward.  I love him.  He is my everything.  He is incredible.  He is 17.5 today.  This day almost blinked passed me because so many things have been happening around here.  Edward will be 18 in six months.  I can not believe that he is nearly an adult.  He is responsible.  Kind.  Loving.  Funny.  He still loves airsoft, his job, and his friends.  We ordered sushi and just talked.  Living here at my Dad's house has been great but there are things we miss about having our own house.  This is a crazy transition in our lives and we miss Stephen so much.